The Importance of Stretching Yourself

Sometimes we think about doing something new that will make us better. We might think about eating healthier than usual. We might think about going to bed earlier than usual. Or, not having that drink after work. The list goes on . . .

These moments don't happen all that often because of the nature of habits. Habits are powerful forces in our lives, keeping us on virtual autopilot a lot of the time. Occasionally, though, we self-reflect and decide that, at least in principle, we could be doing it better.

What do you do in that kind of moment? Well, if you're anything like me you convince yourself, all too easily most of the time, that it's just not worth doing. It's not too hard to convince myself that I shouldn't bother. My usual course of action feels familiar. Comfortable. Like slippers that I broke in a long time ago. The other course of action feels distinctly uncomfortable. And it's full of unknowns. Will I feel full if I eat healthier? Will I be agitated if I don't have my usual finger of scotch? Will I have to fight a craving?

All good questions. But, are those worries good enough reasons for me not to try something new?

Am I really that fragile?

And that's the point. I'm not that fragile, and neither are you. In fact, you're remarkably resilient. Why not take the risk? What's the worst that could happen? A bit of hunger? A bit of discomfort? You mean you can't take it?

Experience the excitement of stretching yourself, be it a little stretch or a big stretch. Doesn't really matter, really. It's the fact that you're learning that stretching yourself is fine. Soon, you'll be thinking of all sorts of ways to stretch yourself. It will be a habit, of sorts. What a great day that will be!

How to Run a Good Meeting: Four Habits

As a professor, I have a complicated and ambivalent attitude toward meetings. On the one hand, they can be okay because it gives me a chance to see my colleagues and to discuss some important and pressing matters. If we do our job correctly, and more on that in a moment, there will be tangible results from a meeting. In other words, we will be becoming better.

On the other hand, I don't like meetings. I don't like them because they take away from time that I could be using to do what I love, which is conducting research and teaching.

You can imagine how much I HATE a meeting, then, that accomplishes nothing. Yet, such meetings occur with alarming frequency. So, just to make life a little bit better, here are my tips on how to run a good meeting:

1. Begin on Time

Unless you must establish quorum, there is absolutely no need to wait for a certain number of people to be in the room before you start a meeting. Well, maybe you need one other person. Start the meeting when it was scheduled to start. This action will have two benefits, one immediate and one longer term. The immediate benefit: the people present will be thankful that you are not wasting their time by waiting for the late people. In other words, you will be rewarding promptness and not lateness. The long-term benefit: More and more folks will get to your meetings on time. It doesn't take long for people to learn that you won't wait on them before you start.

2. Have an Agenda with Action Points

Formal meetings require agendas and less formal meetings do not. Regardless, though, your meetings should have agendas. Circulate the agenda ahead of time so that people will know what will be discussed. Having an agenda keeps people focused.

Remember to have action points. That is, have motions or their informal equivalent. Meetings exist so that things get done or so that barriers to getting things done are eliminated. So, have an agenda with action points to ensure that you get something done.

Another bonus to having an agenda: If people get off point and start to discuss something that's not on the agenda, you can politely point out that fact. Plus, people who hate meetings will see that you are in control and that they have some hope of getting back to their offices sooner rather than later.

3. Do Not Be Afraid to End a Meeting Early

I tell my students the same thing about giving a talk. When was the last time that someone came out of a talk, or a meeting (or a movie for that matter), and said, "Boy, that meeting was just too darn short"? There is no need to fill the time allotted. If you're through the agenda and there is time remaining, feel free to end the meeting. People will be relieved (literally, if they need to pee!)

4. Definitely End a Meeting on Time

Ending a meeting on time shows respect for your attendees. They do have other things to do after all. Also, your knowing that you are going to end when you said you would puts pressure on you to get everything done that needs doing.

Oh, and don't order doughnuts. Makes people sleepy.

The Nowness of Now and the Power of the Long Run

There is something about right now that makes it rather important. We focus on what we want, need, fear, and enjoy right now.

We're not toddlers, so we can usually fight off urges to behave in ways that we might later regret. We can forgo immediate gratification for a longer term payoff. Still, though, the nowness of now is powerful. Sometimes we 'give in.' We feel hungry, we grab what's at hand. We feel tired, we close our eyes. We get angry, we yell. Other times, though, we delay, we put off. We use our will-power.

But there's something else about the nowness of now: It's wonderful in its primitive simplicity. We have a need, we see a result. It may not be the most desirable result, but it's a result nonetheless. We're hungry, we eat and we feel full (of whatever high calorie product was available). We're tired, we lie down, we sleep.

Putting off, delaying, being strategic, we know that those behaviors are often best. But, when we restrain ourselves in the cause of a longer term goal, results are often gradual.

Sustained efforts in the service of a long term goal will get us to the goal. It may not feel like it all of the time, but it just has to be true. And it is.

A example involving twins worked for Einstein, so I'll try one here. Consider the two "habit twins." We'll call them Rebecca and Rachel. For years, they've had the same routines. They are emotionally and physically identical in every way. Rebecca decides that she is unhappy with her weight and her personal fitness level. Rachel decides that she is fine the way she is. Rebecca starts a light but steady exercise routine. She also begins watching what she eats. After a month, Rebecca and Rachel still look the same and they feel about the same. In fact, Rebecca catches a cold and so she has a minor setback. After two months, though, Rebecca is looking trim compared to her sister. She is also healthier. Rachel later got the same cold but the symptoms were much worse. Also, Rebecca is able to go to a book club in the evenings because of her increased energy. After four months, the differences between Rebecca and Rachel are immediately apparent when meeting them. In fact, some people aren't convinced that they're twins!

The changes that you want may not happen as quickly as you wish, and some of the change might not be all that noticeable. But I promise you that, in the long run, you'll notice and others will too. In order to start down that road, though, you sometimes need to ignore the nowness of now and focus on the wonderful person that you will be in the future.

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The Power of the Situation and the Power of You!

"The Power of the Situation" is a key concept in my area of study (social psychology). The main message: Situations compel behaviors.

Think of how hard it would be to walk into a library and create a disturbance. Can't you just feel the situation pressing back at you as you try to scream or sing or dance around? How about acting like you would at the doctor's office when you're at a party?

So, situations are powerful. Sometimes when I lecture on this topic, students get a little upset. They start to worry that maybe they're not in as much control of themselves as they thought they were. That is an upsetting thought, to be sure, but that's not my point. It's not nearly that simple.

Yes, situations are powerful and, yes, they can compel our behavior. That's all true. But let's dig a little deeper.

1. First, situations often compel our behavior. That means that we're not mere automatons going through the motions. Sometimes we resist the pull of the situation. Sometimes we'll win that fight, a lot of the time we'll lose. But the point remains: We have our own ideas.

2. Second, we pick a lot of our situations. So, that means that we're exerting a kind of self-control. Once we're in a situation, it will be extremely difficult to resist its pull. But, we can often pick the situations in which we put ourselves. Consider, for example, eating. If you want to eat healthy, is it really a good idea to go to the sports stadium on an empty stomach? You should either eat something healthy before you go or decide to stay away. If you know that certain situations 'pull' behavior out of you that you don't think is great, then maybe don't get yourself into those situations in the first place! Instead, pick the situations that you want, so that you'll like your behavior.

3. Third, we construct situations. This fact shows how powerful we are. Who set up libraries as quiet places for reading and deep contemplation? It was people like us! Who made nightclubs, malls, and funeral homes? Us! Which leads me to . . .

4. Fourth, and most important, YOU can construct situations for yourself. If you're a teacher, you can set up your classroom to compel certain kinds of behaviors from your students. The traditional rows of desks, with you as the focus of attention, sends a different message about what you expect than if you arrange the desks in small groups. If you own a restaurant, you can change the decor, lighting, and seating density to send whatever message you want (raucous pub vs. elegant dining).

So, ultimately, my message gives you freedom. It's a different kind of freedom, to be sure, but it's freedom nonetheless. It's not accurate to believe that you can do whatever you're inclined to do in the moment, regardless of the situation. But, you can certainly exert control of your behavior and your life by choosing, and constructing, many of your situations.

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Benjamin Franklin and the Night Owls: Or, the Importance of Getting the Time that You Need To Do What You Need to Do!

I'm not a fan of old sayings because, well, they sound old and they usually feature general advice that is untested. Here's a case in point, penned by Benjamin Franklin:

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."

The saying has its problems, but there might be a bit of truth in it. Beyond getting a good night's sleep (always a good idea), it has to do with people having time by themselves. People need to have time to do the things that need to get done, whether it be exercising, doing high quality work, or engaging in some deep reflection.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a people person. Ask anybody. I like nothing more than having a good productive meeting, or a jolly good chinwag for that matter. But, when it comes to getting things done (like writing this blog), there's nothing like being alone and just, well, getting things done. I think that's what the "early to rise" part is all about in dear old Benjamin's saying.

Yet, there's nothing about the early morning that makes it the best time to be by yourself. In fact, for some of you, getting up early won't do. You work best once everybody else is in bed. I can't do that because I would fall asleep. Some of you, though, can work into the wee hours.

Why not? Lots of people are 'night owls' and they are extremely productive. How different can it be to work between 11 PM and 3 AM versus getting up at 5 AM and working to 9?

It's in a way gratifying for me to know that there are folks out there who just turned in for the night when I am getting up. Makes me feel oddly connected with them. Like they take the overnight shift and I'm on early mornings. It works great with students, who tend to go to bed late. They send me their work at 3 AM and I've got feedback to them by 8!

So, no matter what your pattern is, make sure that you carve off a bit of time for yourself, regardless of what time it might be, to focus on what you need to do. Before this hurly-burly crazy-mixed-up world catches up to you. And it will.

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How to Shake Things Up and Keep Things Fresh (And Keep Your Good Habits)

Routine is great, right? I think so. Every morning, more or less, I do the same things. I wake up early, work out, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, play with the kids, do more work, watch Doctor Who . . .

It's a great routine. It works for me. I have lots of tasks on virtual autopilot and, even though I'm rather busy, I manage to stay on top of things (more or less).

But, let's face it, routines can get a little boring. Boredom is dangerous and you should be wary of it. When you're bored, you're in peril of becoming disengaged with your routine, which means that your good habits may go by the wayside.

That would be shame.

The only solution is to shake things up within your routine. It can be a small shake up or a big shake up, that's up to you. For me, I do things like reversing the sequence of my weight routine (a good idea anyways apparently), or switching the treadmill that I use when I run. These are small changes, I know, but when you're doing something day after day, small variations can be enough. Heck, even grabbing a locker in a different part of the change room can help!

Here are some tips for you to keep things fresh:

1. Switch the times that you do things. This can't work for all good habits (like having a good breakfast) but for some it will (doing the crossword in the evening vs. the morning).

2. Switch things up inside a routine. If you run a certain route through the neighborhood, try reversing it. Or switch the sequence of post-run stretches.

3. Think about other behaviours that you'd like to include in your good habit routines. Pick on one at a time and start to work them in. Maybe you want to include more fish in your diet, or maybe you want to start some core strengthening exercises. I urge you to use caution in working in new bits to your routine. You don't want to do too much too soon, but *some* change is good.

Yes, some change is good. It's a great way to ensure that you are engaged in continuous improvement and to keep things fresh besides!

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Don't Try to Be Perfect: Just Get Better!

What is your ultimate goal? If you had unlimited resources, time, and self-control, where would your self-improvement efforts take you?

If you said perfection, then you have big trouble. The jury is in on that one. Being a perfectionist is not a great thing to be. In fact, there's a boatload its it's really, REALLY, not a great thing to be at all.

But, let's face it, when you're working on self-improvement, you want to get something just right. You want to hit and maintain a certain weight, you want to stick to your healthy eating plan, you never want to say a cuss word again.

All extremely laudable goals. All, of course, virtually unachievable. It's because of the nature of perfection. Perfection means that *nothing is wrong* But that means everything has to be right. In our hurly-burly world, where chaos and confusion runs rampant, how likely is that?

If you said, "Never gonna happen," you're right.

So, what to do?

Try thinking about self-improvement as continuous improvement that gets closer to perfection, but never achieves it. There will always be opportunities to improve yourself. Instead of dreading that possibility, welcome it. Embrace it.

After all, what life be like without challenges?

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